Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need water and some morals
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
