You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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