Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
