is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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