I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
