I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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