that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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