Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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