why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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