im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
