This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
