By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
