He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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