Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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