oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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