I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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