i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
