i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
