i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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