My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my poor anus
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
