When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
