How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
