I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
