who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
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There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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