Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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