theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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