its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
