We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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