You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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