Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
barbara walters just said penis...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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