This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
