Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
operation harelip BJ is a go
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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