Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
