dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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