ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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