fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Still dying that you shit outside
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
