My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
