Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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