my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
