Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
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We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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