i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
