I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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