Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
