Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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