Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
