1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am naked and annoyed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
