Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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