i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
