So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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