only if we run a train.
done.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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