Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
