whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
