youre lurking in front of me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
