"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
