i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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