I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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