I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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