How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
