Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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