My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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