Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
