Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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