Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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