I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
