That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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