So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
tell me about the eggs
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