It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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