i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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