it wasn't lemon gatorade
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
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I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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