Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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