The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
