we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
