Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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