I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its about making memories worth repressing
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
