Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
