At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
