who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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