I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
