dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
