Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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