Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
